I quit smoking weed about three months ago. I guess I’ll hit that bench water “90 days” mark on the 17th of this month. Hmmm, bench water. That’s wrong. It’s either high water or benchmark. And I don’t think either is fitting here. Maybe benchmark. Yup, looks like my intelligence hasn’t been affected.

I’ve been telling people that I can’t really tell a huge difference in my life since I’ve stopped smoking. I just know I floss my teeth almost every night now. That’s the one new thing.

But when I stop and think about it, there have been other changes. First of all, I’m no longer literally burning thorough forty dollars a week. That’s really good seeing as how I’m on an extremely restricted budget.

Secondly, I remember my dreams now. Vividly. They say you have multiple dreams every night, you just don’t remember all of them. And if you get high, you don’t remember any. At least I didn’t.

Now, when I wake up, I can accurately recall intricate details and feelings, even quote word for word what people said. I usually have celebrity guest star appearances in my dreams. And I’m always just casually hanging out with them like we’ve been good buddies for a while. My therapist asked me what I think that means. Well, I want to be a famous actress and have celebrity besties in real life, duh. She gets super excited whenever I even mention my dreams. I guess that’s a therapist thing.

(I’m sorry, but every time I type the word “therapist” I flash back to the SNL Celebrity Jeopardy sketch where Sean Connery says, “I’ll take ‘The Rapists’ for four hundred Alex”.)

Here’s a brief recap of a dream I had soon after quitting weed:

I was traveling with my mom and we were staying the night in a mid-western bed and breakfast. Justin Timberlake and his entourage were staying there too. And a crew from a reality television show. Maybe they were doing a show on Justin, I didn’t care because we started making out (me and Justin, not me and the crew). 

Then Jessica Biel came in to tell us it was snowing outside. The make out session had ended before her arrival, thank goodness, and I excitedly went outside to check on the snow. I came back in saying it was too “stingy.”

JT went to set up for a festival that was also taking place outside in the now summery, sunny field. My mom, the tv crew and I stayed behind in the kitchen of the B&B to make croque monsieur sandwiches. Yum.

A flamboyant gay guy appeared in the kitchen and we became instant best friends. He was working on a drag queen costume and remarked that I could be part of the show. Just then Jessica re-appeared and said she was gonna make a sandwich. I said, “Croque monsieur?” and she replied, “Kind of, but with crab salad.”

I ended up missing the concert because I was on the lake in a boat with the reality television crew. The camera operator had found a drowned owl. He said the PA’s would have to move it so he could get a better shot but the kids sure would be sad.

How’s that therapists?!? Loads of layers to analyze there.

So now that I’m sober I can remember all of this totally useful and relevant information. Awesome.

Maybe I’m a little bitter because lately, I’ve been wanting to take a puff. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve had the urge several times.

It helps that I have no money for weed and therefore, no weed. Nothing there to tempt me. I do however, have a disposable vape pen that I never used and haven’t been able to give away. I’ve been thinking on it lately.

But *sigh* it seems like such a waste and a disappointment to myself to smoke again. And I’m unsure if I’d be able to stop. I was smoking bong loads of weed multiple times a day before and I wasn’t really writing at all. Some part of me is afraid of going back to that habitual use.

I’m pretty certain these urges started when I started working again. Working at a cafe. Back in the food service industry. Oh, Great Spirit in the sky, I hate serving so much. And you know how I got the job? By being friends with the owner. And how did we first become friends? By bonding over a chance meeting at our local medical marijuana dispensary.

Everyone else smokes weed, why can’t I?